it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
