a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
