There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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