if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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