Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
