just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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