I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
