he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
