So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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