how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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