Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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