Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
