I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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