My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
