Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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