I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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