I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
