if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
