guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
