You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
