So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
