We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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