I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize