Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
