We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
we should paint friendship bongs
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
