Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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