just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Randomize
