I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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