Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
