john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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