k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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