I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
