I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
