drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
