..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize