Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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