Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
