Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize