You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
