So drunk its hurt
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
