is your mom at the bar?
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
