Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
