Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
