Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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