I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
