If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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