you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
