Swine flu. Run for my life!
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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