I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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