he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Houston, we have a squirter
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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