Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
