Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
