I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
