I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
