i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize