I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
