Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
