How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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