I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
