Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
