apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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