Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
