please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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